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November 05 bad feeling@@@
bad feeling coming again..
once in a while i been thinking it.......
over and over again.....
it this the right way.....
devil in my heart pushing me towards it ....
there are too many circumstances....
when times went long it is more harder for me to get rid of it...
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suka duka selama 3 bulan telah pun berlalu....
tiba masanya untuk ku pilih laluan ku...
keinginan masing2x telah pun tercapai..
apa lagi ku dan mu berharap.
bagiku senang melepas tapi pahit menderita....
bagimu ku tidak mengetahui...
adakah seperti katamu selalu engkau enggan melepaskan..
adakah ia kata ikhlas dari hatimu....
denganmu ku hanya dapat kemesraan dan tempat bermanja..
di mana keselamatan dan masa depan mu dan ku...
adakah ia cerah di hadapan atau gelap ketinggalan....
kegembiraan ini hanya untuk sementara....
kerana ku percaya dunia ini tiada yang sempurna...
apatah lagi tiada kerestuan dari orang tua...
di mana laluan yang harus ku pilih..........
ku tak berani menghadapinya...
sekali kala ingin ku melepaskan segalanya..
daripada menyeksa hidupku begini...
siapakah dirimu tidak ku begitu tahu..
tidakku memahami latar belakang mu..
siapakah kau sebenar ??
apakah yang kau buat tanpa pengetahuan ku..
apakah yang tersirat dalam dirimu...
bilakah dapat ku mengetahuinya...
akankah kau memberitahui ku..
October 02 abc do re mion 28th sept ....
bad day...
staring out after rain...
ben lai shi 1 ge hen kuai le de yi tian......
i been looking for an answer...
na ge ta an zai na li le ???
where is the way out ???
wo ying gai zen me zuao.....
lead me to the rite way .....
finally................
September 03 get stuck..on 29th august......
everything getting down....
everythg like getting into wrong ways...
suddenly feel so bad....
totally lost ...
grounded....
exam coming soon...
havent started revision...
too many thg come into my mind..
finally i make up my mind....
not too think bout it..
just let it go by time..
when the time is right..
just lay out all the cards....
August 29 new breath...without any expectation.....
on the 10th August...
i went to a special place........
with my god brother n 2 of his fren...
on that day i meet some1..
some1 who special for me........
on 15th Aug 07 we started...
on 24th Aug 07 we begin....
and til now we on going....
and duno tis wil last how long....
i alwez remind myself bout it....
everythg done is done......
anythg happen with no regret.....
nobody will know this will last how long..
just pray to god ....
everythg will go on fine....
July 13 damn funny.......today in 12 july 07.. during MIS lecture in DKABC .... like usual we attend class from 2pm - 4pm... normally i wil sit 2 person in a row.. but today my row tat i sit is completely full... we have kelvin ,me , edward, bowleng, wan chien , ellysia n lastly angel......v all sit in a row...
then our lesson started........
* 1st event .. tat XX kelvin saw a guy with yellow color shirt.. quite plump.. so kelvin wana start his job..acting jobs... he start talking bout tat guy... talking many nonsense..say wana intro to me la n tis n tat.. reli beh tahan him... so v all laugh la.. like usually .. he act like clown... v laugh happily..
* 2nd event..... den v have 10minutes break.. so every1 just watching around here n there.. then suddenly sze nee at the bak say " HAR '' HOW COME TAT GIRL LOOK ALIKE WAN CHIEN DE''' den v all started to focus to the girl which nee hv mention.. then v laugh again....every1 hv their own comment bout girl.. some say reli look alike le.. ask wan chien izzit her lost sister...haha.. reli laugh crazily.. somemore the best clown actor KELVIN act like so chai.... doin some stupid action....hahahaha....
* 3rd event....... evey1 aledi calm down ... lesson continue....i feel bored.. so i took KELVIN phone to hv a look.. then he click on somethg to his phone.. then he pass his phone to me n he click OK.... in a silent n every student concentrate to our MR OOi explaination... some annoying sound ring...the ring sound like "AR AR" "WO HA YAU" N 'AR' AR.... den i got stone for a few second .. tat stupid Kelvin pass his phone to me.. n the sound like in "porn" movie get to rang.. i totally lost .. duno wat happen...... den i pass back the phone to kelvin.. every1 eyes in the lecture hall are focusing on us.. reli "memalukan"... v all paiseh till every1 laugh til wan die.. no one of us dare to look to the others side.. every1 just cant keep their face up.... reli memalukan memalukan.. "laugh til face bcome yellow" duno where to put our face... haiz haiz.. reli tulan tat kelvin.. how dare he "ham hoi" me....
luckily our lecturer din scolded us..
**** first time in my life get so embarass..... but it reli fun ..... hahahhaa.. this is the teenager life.. get excited everyday.. trying some brand new thg..........hahahahaa.......... reli unforgetful...........thx for ur mistery gift Mr kelvin............... blur...i reli blur... blur... make me blurr... i dislike some1 pretend good to me but at the back ... backstab me .......
someppl in my class reli childish...how come they so childish?? oh pls la.. be mature.. doin stupid thg talking bullshit .. everyday bla bla bla in class .. aiyo pls la....wake up... grow mature laaaaaaaaa............. totally get rid of it........today ..i totally ignore wat i wan to eliminate it off my life.. i can 100% eliminate it.. hahaa.... ppl say time can blow everythg unhappy thg away... now i believe in it.. coz i can make it aledi.. congrats to myself...y i say so?? coz today tat Xxx find me again.. n i can hardly ignore him without thking it a lot.. wat i promise to myself i can done it.... 13/07/07
working moment..these few day..i m wondering wat can i do in future.. wat i goin to do??? these few week .. i started to work partime .. the most important point to work is to earn some pocket money n spend my free time oso. this few week .. i reli enjoying to work,, maybe just the beginning of work.. more excited.... but when one week past to another week is become a routine in my life... every saturday n sunday hv to work..
during my working time i get to know many fren.... reli happy to know them.. they are reli friendly n like to help each other but some other proud n lcly like hell.. haha.. so i just ignore them.. as long as do my jobs well...
from there i can learn many thg n adapt to various of environment n ppl... reli enjoying working wf them..lastly reli enjoying working .......
July 03 one more thgsssa girl.. can act well n pretty.... wat for stil wan to act like innocent?? wearing shit mask on ur fucking face.. wat a angel face but devil heart.. cibai..like to be batu api among ur fren .. stop that la,,, u thgt u r smart n know everythg n ppl surrounding like u a lot.. oh pls... just go to piss n take a look of ur devil bitch face la..
acting like very caring to ppl den wan to grab every guy hearts.. oh pls... maybe those stupid guys stil havent realize ur damn evil heart....
one day u wil regret wat u hv done ... remember.. dun ever come near to me.. dun stab my back.. if not i wil pay u bak wf thousand more times....siapa yg termakan cili dialah yang terasa pedas.. pandai pandailah membawa diri.. jangan sampai ke tepi sempadan.. girlsss...today.. i reli get angry to myself.. i duno y?? i just like feeling burning hot... maybe i m too sensitive... but i reli cant hold my temperature... if today i get exploded.. i cant imagine wat will happen tomolo n de coming day....luckily i stil can calm myself down.....coolllll...
friend or peng you is for wat ??? i know everyone hv their own freedom in choosing wat fren they wanna to mix wf n trust n in doin their own way.. human being is selfish mammals.. eventhgt human are warm blooded but they are cool blooded outside..
we treated them as a good fren but the others way round they treated u like "sohai".. n u r just a sohai to them.. ok fine.. wat u do to me today i would not revenge to u but one day u wil feel wat i m feeling now... maybe tat time only u will realize how important a fren to u ..
remember dun ever put ur whole heart in a friend relationship... for me i wont Put 100% HEART IN FRIEND.. even the friend that u know them since u r kindergarden or more than 10yrs... June 29 ~~~suddenly~~~~~ thanks for the memories~~~aledi stick in my memories for a long time.... is reli sweet during the moment of 6 hours..a half year ago... but is bitter thinkin of it now.... happening on the midnite of the day on the month of january... i just finis having a sport activities with my hsemate n roomate.. i m reli blur during tat time .. hardly to make a decision... everyone around me keep on advising me not to try this but i do try it.... the opponents side hv the more attractiveness to me.. "if u Lxxx somebody could we be this strong" i wil find a way to win my heart n mind to make this thg happen... during that time is aledi 3am ..just finis game n v all goin to mamak n yum cha there....suddenly a msg come in my phone..... i read it n feel "luan" again....luan luan luan.. duno wether is rite to replying the msg or not ?? once reply means i hv the heart to try it ... lastly i did.. n the thgs went wrong...after finis eating v all went home.. once reach home i take a hot bath.. feeling wan sleep ady...all my hsemate soul out their tired feeling after hv the sport activities.. some say there pain n here pain..alamak.. doin some small exercise also here ache there ache.. like lou ah ma.. haha..in a silent.. once again a msg come in.. i feel somethg wrong there.. just like wat i hv prepare to hv know... it happens.... the next day.. i reli regret what i done .. i reli wana cry out ..does it hurt?? it reli ruins my heart.... but i told myself not to drop even a single tears for that..i deserve it.. so i din.... i hv promise myself n never never again do that again.. no ever in my life.. ppl surrounding me love me a lot n why must i betray them n make them so dissapointed ... no point... a half again thking it bak just like a silly thgs... nothg big deals.. coz i stil love myself very much n so do ppl surrounding me n who cares me a lot.. but sometimes its reflects again in my mind.. times go on and on it become more blur ,blur n blur .....til i hope it wil not have a single shadow in my life..yahoo .. i keep on my promise.. i do eliminate 70% this dark shadow..25% more i wil keep it to revXXXXX.... 5% is stil LoXX..... sincerly heart.. @@@ wat a life is @@2(^0^) ..... mornin.. wat i gonna to do today... feel bored... lying on bed... dun wan wake up...thking of wat to do.. finally i got it.. the same thg .. dreaming the whole day n on9... during on9 i find somethg interesting... reli reli interesting.... u know wat ?? i oso dun no wat... reli "So" .. wat is on my mind now is wana just take a deep breath n fart it out .... hopefully everyone get fainted n no ppl surrounding me.. i can do wat ever i wan ...included which thg tat can be out of limit n control.. sometimes life is very "mau ton"... wana to this but afraid that .. wan try this but cant do that.. so how??? just sit there n dream..... hehe..
now is aledi noon...feeling wan sleep again... but cant.. coz my big stomach singing again...just can do is feed is "bao bao"... once again come in my mind.. wat to eat today??? life got many thg can be do but cant do it in a same times.. if i given the chance sure i would try the thgs that not everyone wil willing to do that ...
oppss.. finally reach the sleep times.. ZZZZZZZZ ......wat a waste day......... |
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